Throughout our lives and especially during our childhood, we pick up messages and behaviors that shape our values and belief systems. Are these thoughts and actions rooted in a healthy, mature place within us or are they developed from a place of insecurity or necessity?
Spending time to reflect on what is important to us, what resonates with us, and who we are is a necessary step to take in order to begin the process of becoming our best self. Becoming our best self will fluctuate with time and circumstance and will differ from person to person. We are all unique and our journeys will require a different set of skills and tools to navigate.
I’m sure you have heard the term “best self.” Here are a few questions to determine if you have become your authentic, best self.
- Am I living a life that aligns with my core values and principles?
- Do my words and actions align with my values and core beliefs?
- Am I living the life I want to?
- Am I the parent I want my kids to have and the person my partner deserves?
- When do I feel most like my authentic self?
- What is my purpose in life?
- What is holding me back from living the life I want to live?
- What are my goals, short term/long term?
- What is my definition of self-care and how often do I apply it?
These questions require honest introspection and reflection to identify areas for improvement and personal growth. Self awareness involves gaining a deep understanding of your strengths, weaknesses, values, beliefs, and emotions. Remember, the most difficult person not to lie to is yourself.
You can use these questions to take an account of your life and its current trajectory. Do you truly believe that you are living an authentic life that aligns with your ethos, values and moral compass? Remember, there are no wrong answers, just an opportunity to reflect on your journey and adjust your sails if needed.
I reflected on my life several years ago and had to make adjustments. My moral compass, ethos and work did not align with my best self. Reflection and ownership were difficult, but necessary, because the hardest person not to lie to is yourself, and I was not being honest. I had to admit that I was not living the life I was meant to. So, I recalibrated and charted a new course. I wanted to live a life with purpose, but first, I had to risk becoming a fool.
There are several important steps one must take in order to achieve “best self,” starting with exploring the importance of purpose. Purpose is defined as the reason for which something is done or created or why a thing exists. For this article, purpose is aligned with meaning.
Several studies have shown that when an individual walks towards purpose, they experience an increase in joy, self-worth and satisfaction in their lives. When we strive for purpose, we need to retool and recalibrate each day. Purpose is not absolute; we must move towards purpose and the version of our best self each and every day.
Below are some helpful steps to become the best version of yourself.
Discipline. The journey of becoming your best self begins with discipline, structure and routine, particularly if significant changes need to be made. Discipline appears in many forms but is defined as a code of behavior centered on self-control and commitment towards goals. There is no magic pill that can be prescribed to create discipline, but there is momentum and momentum is powerful. Once you confront stagnation by applying discipline, you will create the momentum necessary for change. Embrace the discomfort and respect the fact that this might be miserable at times, and normalize that every ounce of your being might want to give up and walk away.
When you feel that resistance, keep moving forward – that’s exactly where you need to go, so embrace that discomfort. It often helps to create a social contract, so use your people to hold you accountable for what you say you will do. We will either live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret, I ask you, which one is more beneficial?
Journal. If you were launching a business, the first necessary step would be to create a business plan. If you were sailing to the islands, you would first need to chart a course; a rudderless ship will find no port. So, write down the goal (best self) and the necessary steps needed to achieve the desired goal. What you write is not set in stone. You can erase, edit, delete and continue to revise along the journey. It is simply the act of writing words on a page that can help action come to fruition.
Practice Gratitude. No matter the challenges or issues that one might encounter, take a moment and reflect on the good things in life. What we are grateful for can range from getting out of bed, noticing a cardinal in a tree, or having a great cup of coffee, to having a supportive friend, a pet, or a great accomplishment that makes you proud. Gratitude centers us on abundance and helps to pull us out of a deficit mindset. So, interrupt a negative situation with thoughts of gratitude as much as possible.
Spirit. Connect with and believe in something bigger than yourself – a god, a life force, an overarching energy, the universe or alchemy. This keeps our ego in check and can serve as the North Star and guiding light when challenged or lost.
Nature: You are not your age. There are tens of thousands of years of evolution within each of us and we were not designed to isolate or be sedentary. As humans, we hunted and gathered, followed herds and schools of fish and as a result, we walked miles upon miles each day. Today, we drive in cars, sit in cubicles and on couches, most likely occupying our time with an electronic device. Technology has its benefits, but it also has negatively impacted our mental health. Ask yourself, how many miles would you have walked if today was 15,000 years ago?
In addition to food, raw materials and water, humans have long benefited from Mother Nature. Recent studies have shown that we are connected to nature more than previously thought. Exposure to the Sun and the absorption of the essential vitamin D, supports bone health, promotes healthier sleep patterns and lowers blood pressure. Other benefits of nature are aesthetic enjoyment and spiritual meaning. Marvel in its beauty and appreciate any moment outdoors.
Mental Health and Wellness: Practicing mindfulness, re-framing and coping techniques attract attention to one’s thoughts and allows us to become present and be aware of current feelings and symptoms. Become aware of your body and patterns of breathing, practice box breathing, exercise, participate in yoga or meditation. Get help when there are challenges. Remember the quote from Winston Churchill, “When you are going through hell, keep going.”
If you have a moment as you read this, conduct a scan of your body. Where does your stress exist, do you carry it in your jaw, chest, back, shoulders or neck? First, close your eyes and relax your jaw and place your feet flat on the ground, now take a deep breath and hold for a few seconds, slowly exhale and repeat three times. How do you feel? This exercise took approximately 30 seconds and moved you towards relaxation. Mindfulness works.
Our mental diet is just as important as our nutritional diet. If you’re a generally negative person, begin to re-frame, listen/read motivational and inspirational content.
Physical Health and Wellness. Rise early in the morning, eat clean and real food and exercise. Don’t stop moving. Humans are not meant to be idle. There are numerous studies linking physical activity to a reduction in depression and anxiety, so much so, that inactivity and stagnation are now acknowledged as being an independent risk factor for depression. In addition to impacting symptoms of anxiety and depression, exercise has numerous psychological benefits as well – aiding in feelings of accomplishment and increasing perceived capability. Exercise does not require a membership to your local gym; there are a constellation of opportunities to burn calories and move: walk your dog twice a day (even if you don’t have a dog), garden, practice yoga, ride a bicycle or rejoin that sports team.
Risk being a fool. Read Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena, recall a local business owner that took a chance or any fighter who has ever walked into that cage certain to face mutually assured destruction. All these individuals have one thing in common: they have all risked becoming a fool. So start that side hustle, develop that business plan, start that blog or podcast, launch that website, sing that song and write that novel or paint that picture. Without the risk of becoming a fool, you will never know if you have the potential or ability to create a new venture, so take that risk. Even when you approach a potential romantic partner for the first time, you risk being a fool, but you forge ahead. Every time we better ourselves, the first thing we must do to achieve success is risk being a fool.
Purpose. Purpose is defined as the reason for which something is done or created or why a thing exists; purpose is aligned with meaning. Seek out what you are meant to do. We are all made on purpose for purpose. Purpose is often most fulfilling when it does good for the world / life / others. One’s purpose is a living document – it evolves and grows as we do.
Relationships. The quality of our relationships dictates the quality of our lives. There is compelling evidence that healthy relationships, both personal and professional, are vital in the reduction of anxiety and depression, and the increase of our self-worth and self-esteem. Take an inventory of the people you associate with. Are they negative and stagnant or positive and motivated? Do they help you to grow and do you help them to grow as well? Can you be your authentic self around them, vulnerable, and honest? You deserve those people in your inner circle but do take the time to really find them and remember – when people show you who they really are, believe them.
Say no, or yes. Often we enter into an agreement or commit to obligations that we would rather not for a multitude of reasons. We often act this way out of self-perceived guilt, in order to not offend or appear to be rude. Often times this behavior results in annoyance and irritability, and we waste the most valuable commodity we possess – time. Value your own time and get comfortable respectfully declining invitations that don’t serve you. Give your time and energy to people and places that provide support. Begin applying boundaries and advocating for yourself. Remember: “No,” is a complete sentence.
But if you are an individual who often says no to events and isolates yourself, say yes and embrace the discomfort. While you are at a gathering, become present, ask meaningful questions and smile. You’ll be glad you did.
Ultimately, the pursuit of discovering the best version of yourself is not just about achieving specific milestones, but fostering a deeper understanding of who you are and what brings fulfillment, leading to a more meaningful and rewarding life. I hope you found this article beneficial as you start your journey in becoming your best self. Take what works for you and leave behind what doesn’t. I wish you the best on your journey. The road ahead will be there when you’re ready; take your time and go gently.